How to Write an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide

The short answer: Writing an obituary is an act of love — a brief public tribute that captures who someone was and invites the community to grieve together. A good obituary goes beyond dates and names: it reflects the person's character, what they loved, how they lived, and the mark they left. This guide walks you through the key elements, common mistakes to avoid, and how to personalize a tribute that truly honors your loved one.

What to Include in an Obituary

A complete obituary typically includes:

1. Full name and nickname (if any)
2. Date and place of birth
3. Date and place of death
4. Brief biography: Career, education, military service, significant achievements
5. Personality and character: What made this person who they were — their humor, passions, values, quirks
6. Survivors: Spouse/partner, children, grandchildren, siblings, parents (if living)
7. Preceded in death by: People who died before them
8. Service information: Date, time, and location of funeral, memorial, or celebration of life
9. Memorial donations: Preferred charities in lieu of flowers (optional)

Step-by-Step: Writing the Obituary

1. Start with the basics: Get all the factual information first — dates, names, places. You can find birth dates, marriage dates, and military records in family documents or vital records.
2. Gather stories: Talk to family members. Ask: "What's your favorite memory of [name]?" "What did they love most?" "What would they want people to know?" These stories make the obituary come alive.
3. Write a strong opening: Don't start with "Joe Smith passed away on..." Instead: "For 72 years, Joe Smith spent his Saturday mornings at the kitchen table with a strong cup of coffee and the sports page. He died peacefully at home on..."
4. Capture the person, not just the resume: Include what they loved, their sense of humor, their impact on those around them — not just job titles and dates.
5. Check for accuracy: Verify all names, dates, and spellings with family members before publishing.
6. Follow publication guidelines: Newspapers charge by the word or inch; funeral home websites may have unlimited length. Write a short version for the paper and a full version for the funeral program and online memorial.

Obituary Length and Where to Publish

Newspaper obituaries are typically 150–400 words due to cost. Online memorials (Legacy.com, funeral home websites, social media) allow much more. Writing two versions — a brief newspaper notice and a fuller online tribute — gives you the best of both.

Getting Help With an Obituary

Death doulas often assist with obituary writing as part of legacy services. Funeral homes typically offer basic templates. For something truly personal, consider hiring a death doula, life story professional, or obituary writer who can interview family members and craft a tribute that does justice to your loved one's life.

Frequently Asked Questions

What should be included in an obituary?

An obituary should include the person's full name, dates and places of birth and death, a brief biography (career, education, military service), personality and character details, survivors, and service information. Memorial donation preferences are optional.

How long should an obituary be?

Newspaper obituaries are typically 150–400 words due to cost. Online memorials have no length limit. Writing a short version for the paper and a fuller version for the funeral program and online platforms gives you the most flexibility.

How do I make an obituary more personal?

Gather stories from family members. Ask what the person loved, what made them laugh, what they believed in. A strong opening that captures their character — not just their dates — makes an obituary memorable and meaningful.

How much does it cost to publish an obituary?

Newspaper obituaries typically cost $200–$600+ depending on length and publication. Online obituary platforms like Legacy.com may charge $50–$200. Funeral home website postings are often included in funeral service costs.

Can a death doula help write an obituary?

Yes. Many death doulas specialize in legacy work including obituary writing. They interview family members, gather stories, and craft tributes that truly reflect the person's character and life. This service is often included in comprehensive doula packages.

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