How Do You Write an Obituary? A Step-by-Step Guide with Examples

The short answer: An obituary honors a life by announcing the death, sharing key life details, listing survivors, and noting funeral arrangements. A good obituary takes 30–60 minutes to write and follows a simple structure: opening announcement, life story highlights, personality and passions, survivors, and service details.

What Is an Obituary and What Does It Include?

An obituary is a notice of death that serves two purposes: informing the community and honoring the person who died. It typically includes:

• Full name, age, and date/place of death
• Brief life history (birthplace, education, career, significant achievements)
• Personal qualities, passions, and what the person meant to others
• Survivors (spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings — use full names)
• Those who preceded them in death
• Funeral or memorial service details
• Charitable donation requests (optional)

Step-by-Step: Writing the Obituary

Step 1 — Gather the facts. Before you write, collect: full legal name and any nicknames, birth date and birthplace, date and place of death, education, military service, career highlights, marriage dates and spouse names, children and grandchildren's names, hobbies and community involvement, and service details.

Step 2 — Write a strong opening. Lead with the name and something memorable. Compare these two openings:

Weak: "John Smith, 78, died Tuesday."

Strong: "John 'Coach' Smith, who spent 35 years teaching Cleveland teenagers that basketball was just an excuse for life lessons, died peacefully on Tuesday surrounded by three generations of his family."

Step 3 — Tell the life story in 3–5 sentences. Hit the highlights — not every job, but the ones that mattered. Birth, family of origin, education, career, marriage, and children. Keep it chronological.

Step 4 — Capture the person. This is what separates a good obituary from a form. What did they love? What were they known for? What will people miss most? One or two vivid details are worth more than a list of accomplishments.

Step 5 — List survivors correctly. Convention: surviving spouse first, then children (oldest to youngest) with their spouses, then grandchildren, then siblings. Use "is survived by" and "was preceded in death by" correctly.

Step 6 — Add service information. Visitation hours, funeral or memorial service date/time/location, burial location if applicable. If the service is private or to be announced later, say so.

Length and Format

Newspaper obituaries are typically 100–300 words (longer ones cost more per word). Online obituaries and memorial site postings can be much longer. For a funeral program obituary, aim for one printed page (400–600 words).

What to Avoid

Avoid: overly formal language that doesn't sound like the family, listing every job since age 16, generic phrases like "loving mother" without specifics, accidentally omitting a surviving child or grandchild (double-check), and leading with the cause of death unless it's relevant to a memorial donation request.

Using AI to Write an Obituary

AI writing tools (including Renidy's AI funeral planner) can help structure an obituary when grief makes writing feel impossible. Provide the facts and key memories, and use AI to generate a draft — then personalize it with your family's voice. The key is that the human memories and details make it real; AI provides the scaffolding.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should an obituary be?

Newspaper obituaries are typically 150–300 words to manage printing costs. Online obituaries can be 400–800 words or longer. For a funeral program, one page (about 400–500 words) is standard. There's no wrong length — the goal is to honor the person meaningfully.

Do you list cause of death in an obituary?

Cause of death is optional. Many families choose not to include it for privacy reasons. If the deceased was an advocate for a disease-related cause, or if including the cause encourages donations to a relevant charity, families often mention it. Suicide and overdose are increasingly mentioned to reduce stigma, though always with the family's explicit choice.

Who should be listed as survivors in an obituary?

Surviving spouse (if any), children with their spouses, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, surviving siblings, and sometimes parents if living. Chosen family, close friends, and pets are increasingly included. 'Preceded in death by' lists those who died before the deceased.

How soon does an obituary need to be submitted after death?

Most newspapers need the obituary within 24–48 hours of the death if you want it to publish before the funeral. Contact the paper's obituary department as soon as possible — they can often hold a spot. Online memorial sites accept obituaries at any time with no deadline.

Can you write an obituary before someone dies?

Yes, and it is highly recommended. Pre-writing an obituary with the person while they can still share their own story ensures accuracy and captures details that might be forgotten. Many hospice programs and death doulas facilitate this as part of legacy work and advance care planning.

Renidy connects grieving families with compassionate death doulas and AI-powered funeral planning tools. Try our free AI funeral planner or find a death doula near you.