What Happens at a Death Cafe?
By CRYSTAL BAI •
The short answer: A Death Cafe is an informal gathering where people come together — usually over tea and cake — to talk openly about death, dying, and what matters in life. There is no agenda, no grief counseling, and no pressure to be bereaved. It's simply a conversation starter for one of the most universal and least discussed human experiences. Death Cafes have spread to over 80 countries and thousands of locations since Jon Underwood founded the movement in London in 2011.
What Is a Death Cafe?
A Death Cafe is a pop-up social gathering — in a coffee shop, community center, library, or someone's living room — where people talk about death without a set agenda. The model was created by Jon Underwood and Sue Barsky Reid in 2011 in London, inspired by Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz's "cafés mortels." It is not grief support, not a workshop, and not a fundraiser. It is simply a safe space to talk about something most people never discuss.
Who Goes to a Death Cafe?
Death Cafes attract a remarkably diverse crowd: hospice workers, death doulas, grieving people looking for community, healthy young adults curious about mortality, retirees doing advance planning, theology students, artists, and people who simply feel that death is part of life worth discussing. No one needs to have experienced a recent loss to attend.
What Do People Talk About?
Conversations vary by group, but common themes include:
- Fear of death — their own or a loved one's
- What a "good death" means to them
- Experiences with dying loved ones
- Advance care planning — have they done it? Why not?
- Beliefs about what happens after death
- Grief — processed and unprocessed
- Funeral and burial preferences
- What they would do if they had 6 months to live
How to Find or Host a Death Cafe
The Death Cafe website (deathcafe.com) maintains a global directory of upcoming events. Most are free, open to anyone, and last about 90 minutes. If there isn't one near you:
- Register on deathcafe.com — anyone can host
- Choose a venue: coffee shop, library meeting room, your home, or online via Zoom
- Provide food and drink (the tradition is tea and cake)
- Follow the simple guidelines: no agenda, no pressure to disclose, no selling
- Facilitate or let the conversation flow naturally
Death doulas, hospice chaplains, and grief counselors frequently host Death Cafes as a way to open community conversations about end-of-life. Renidy encourages its doula network to host Death Cafes as a community engagement practice.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a Death Cafe?
A Death Cafe is an informal gathering where people talk openly about death, dying, and what matters in life — usually over tea and cake. There is no agenda, no counseling, and no requirement to be grieving. It's a social event designed to break the taboo of talking about death.
Who started Death Cafes?
Jon Underwood and Sue Barsky Reid created the Death Cafe model in London in 2011, inspired by Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz's 'cafés mortels.' Jon Underwood died in 2017, but the movement he started has spread to over 80 countries.
Do you have to be grieving to go to a Death Cafe?
No. Death Cafes welcome anyone curious about death — not just people who are bereaved or facing a terminal illness. Many attendees are simply interested in living more intentionally by confronting mortality.
How do I find a Death Cafe near me?
Visit deathcafe.com to search the global directory of upcoming events. Many Death Cafes are also listed on Meetup, Facebook groups, and local hospice organization calendars.
Can I host my own Death Cafe?
Yes. Anyone can register to host a Death Cafe on deathcafe.com. The requirements are simple: provide food and drink, create a safe and open space, follow the basic guidelines (no agenda, no sales, no counseling), and let the conversation flow.
Renidy connects grieving families with compassionate end-of-life professionals. Find support near you.