What Is a Death Cafe and How Do You Host One?
By CRYSTAL BAI •
The short answer: A death cafe is an informal, structured gathering where people meet to talk openly about death and dying over coffee and cake — with no agenda, no grief support group format, and no expectation of expertise. The movement was founded by Jon Underwood in 2011 and has since spread globally, with thousands of death cafes held in 70+ countries. Anyone can host one.
What Happens at a Death Cafe
A death cafe is not a therapy group, a grief support meeting, or a lecture. It is a structured conversation — usually facilitated but deliberately unscripted — where participants talk about whatever aspects of death they choose. Topics that come up at death cafes include:
- Personal fears about dying and what death might feel like
- Experiences of being with someone who was dying
- Beliefs about what happens after death
- How we do and don't talk about death in our culture
- Practical questions about funeral planning, advance directives, wills
- What a "good death" might look like
- Grief and loss experiences
The atmosphere is typically warm, candid, and often unexpectedly joyful — many participants report being surprised by how life-affirming talking about death can be.
The Origin of the Death Cafe Movement
Jon Underwood, a web designer in London, held the first death cafe in his basement in 2011, inspired by sociologist Bernard Crettaz's "Café Mortel" concept in Switzerland. He and his mother Sue Barsky Reid created a simple, open-source model: serve cake and tea, facilitate conversation about death, make it accessible to anyone. Before Jon Underwood's own unexpected death in 2017, the movement had spread globally. His mother Sue has continued the work.
The death cafe model is deliberately non-commercial. Anyone can host one; the only requirement is following the simple guide on deathcafe.com.
How to Host a Death Cafe
Step 1 — Read the guidelines. Visit deathcafe.com for the official hosting guide. Key principles: no agenda, no objectives beyond enabling a discussion; serve tea and cake; be a facilitated but not directed conversation; be accessible to the broadest possible audience.
Step 2 — Choose a venue. Death cafes have been held in living rooms, libraries, funeral homes, coffee shops, community centers, churches, and virtually via video call. The venue should be comfortable, accessible, and informal — not a clinical or institutional setting.
Step 3 — Advertise. List your death cafe on deathcafe.com (free), share on local Facebook groups, community boards, library newsletters, hospice and funeral home websites, and local newspapers. Death cafes typically attract 6–20 participants.
Step 4 — Facilitate, don't direct. Your role as host is to welcome people, ensure everyone who wants to speak gets a chance, and gently keep conversation from becoming a grief group or a lecture. If someone is in acute distress, gently let them know that individual grief support resources are available separately.
Step 5 — Serve tea and cake. The refreshments are part of the model — they create a relaxed, hospitable atmosphere that makes difficult conversation feel approachable.
Why Death Cafes Matter
Most people have more death anxiety than they realize because they have never been given space to voice it. Death cafes interrupt the cultural taboo around death talk, reduce death anxiety through normalization, and often catalyze practical action — participants commonly report completing advance directives or having conversations with loved ones after attending. The simple act of talking about death, in community, with cake, is quietly revolutionary.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a death cafe?
A death cafe is an informal gathering where people meet to talk openly about death and dying over tea, coffee, and cake — with no agenda, no expertise required, and no pressure to share. The movement was founded by Jon Underwood in 2011 and has spread to 70+ countries, with thousands of death cafes held worldwide. The goal is simply to talk about death in a way our culture usually doesn't.
Who goes to death cafes?
Death cafe attendees are a diverse cross-section — curious individuals, people with terminal diagnoses, hospice workers, bereaved people, therapists, death doulas, religious leaders, and ordinary community members who are simply curious or anxious about death. No experience with death is required, and no professional expertise is expected. People who have recently lost someone are welcome but grief support is not the primary purpose.
How do I find a death cafe near me?
Search deathcafe.com for events in your area — the site lists all registered death cafes globally including in-person and virtual events. You can also search Facebook groups, community center event listings, hospice organization websites, and funeral home event calendars. Virtual death cafes make the conversation accessible regardless of location.
Can death cafes help with grief?
Death cafes are not grief support groups and should not be used as a primary grief intervention. However, participants who are bereaved often find death cafes helpful because they can speak openly about death without managing others' discomfort. For specific grief support, dedicated bereavement groups, grief counseling, and organizations like The Compassionate Friends are more appropriate.
Do I need any training to host a death cafe?
No formal training is required. The death cafe model is deliberately open-source and accessible. Anyone who reads the hosting guidelines on deathcafe.com and agrees to the principles can host one. However, the ability to facilitate a group conversation — ensuring participation, managing distress gently, and holding a non-directive space — is helpful. Death doulas, hospice workers, therapists, and community organizers often host death cafes but are not required to.
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