What is a healthcare proxy and how do you choose one?
By CRYSTAL BAI •
The short answer: A healthcare proxy is a person you designate to make medical decisions on your behalf if you cannot speak for yourself. They are named in a legal document called a healthcare proxy form or healthcare power of attorney. Choosing the right proxy is more important than having the document — the person must understand your values, not just your written wishes.
Healthcare proxy vs. power of attorney: what is the difference?
| Term | What it covers |
|---|---|
| Healthcare proxy / Healthcare POA | Medical decisions only when you cannot make them |
| Durable power of attorney | Financial and legal decisions |
| Living will / advance directive | Your written instructions for specific situations |
A healthcare proxy acts on your behalf when your written advance directive does not cover the exact situation. That is why choosing someone who knows your values deeply is more critical than writing exhaustive instructions.
Who can be a healthcare proxy?
Requirements vary by state, but most states require the proxy to be:
- 18 years of age or older
- Not your treating physician or employed by your healthcare facility
- Mentally competent to make decisions
Your proxy does not need to be a family member. Many people choose a close friend, sibling, or adult child. Some specifically do not choose a spouse because the emotional weight of making end-of-life decisions is too great for a partner.
How to choose a healthcare proxy
The right proxy has these qualities:
- Knows your values, not just your wishes. They can make decisions for situations you never anticipated
- Can advocate firmly under pressure. Hospital staff and other family members may push back
- Will honor your wishes even if they personally disagree. This is the hardest requirement
- Is available and reachable. A proxy who lives across the country may not be practical
- Will not be destroyed by grief. Someone who loves you but can function through loss
What to tell your healthcare proxy
The conversation matters as much as the document. Cover these topics:
- Your definition of quality of life — what makes life worth living to you
- How you feel about CPR, mechanical ventilation, feeding tubes
- Your view on aggressive treatment vs. comfort-focused care
- What you fear most about dying (loss of cognition, pain, loss of dignity)
- Whether you want to die at home or in a facility
How to make it official
Requirements vary by state. In most states you need:
- A written healthcare proxy form (available from your state health department)
- Two adult witnesses who are not your proxy and not your beneficiaries
- Notarization (required in some states, not all)
Give copies to your proxy, your primary care physician, any specialists, and keep one at home where family can find it.