What Is an Ethical Will and How Do I Write One?
By CRYSTAL BAI •
The short answer: An ethical will (also called a legacy letter or values document) is a personal document that captures your values, life lessons, beliefs, and wishes for future generations — what you want to leave behind beyond material possessions. Unlike a legal will, it has no legal standing; its power is entirely emotional and relational.
What Is an Ethical Will?
The tradition of ethical wills dates back thousands of years in Jewish culture, where parents wrote letters to their children passing on wisdom, blessings, and values. Today, people of all backgrounds use ethical wills to:
- Share the values and beliefs that guided their life
- Pass on family stories, history, and lessons learned
- Express love, pride, and gratitude to family members
- Offer guidance for difficult decisions their loved ones may face
- Leave a meaningful record of who they were beyond their belongings
Ethical Will vs. Legal Will vs. Advance Directive
| Document | Purpose | Legal Force? |
|---|---|---|
| Legal Will | Distribute property after death | Yes |
| Advance Directive | Direct medical care if incapacitated | Yes |
| Ethical Will | Pass on values, stories, and wisdom | No |
How to Write an Ethical Will
There is no required format. An ethical will can be a letter, a video, an audio recording, a scrapbook, or a digital document. Many people work through these prompts:
Opening
- Who are you writing this for?
- Why are you writing it now?
Values and Beliefs
- What values have guided your life?
- What do you believe about God, purpose, or meaning?
- What principles would you never compromise?
Life Lessons
- What is the most important thing life has taught you?
- What mistakes are you glad you made? What would you do differently?
- Who shaped you most — and what did they give you?
Gratitude and Love
- Who are you most grateful for and why?
- What do you want your children/grandchildren to know about how much you love them?
Hopes and Blessings
- What do you hope for your family's future?
- What blessing would you leave them?
When to Write an Ethical Will
Many people write (or update) ethical wills during:
- A serious illness or terminal diagnosis
- Major life transitions (retirement, a child's marriage, a grandchild's birth)
- End-of-life planning with a death doula
- Simply wanting to be intentional about legacy
How Death Doulas Use Ethical Wills
Death doulas often facilitate ethical will creation as part of legacy work. They use guided life review conversations to help clients surface memories, values, and stories — then help shape them into a meaningful document for loved ones.