Writing an obituary is an emotional and meaningful task. It’s an opportunity to celebrate a loved one’s life while informing friends and family of their passing. However, in the rush of emotions and details, mistakes can happen. Avoiding common pitfalls ensures the obituary honors your loved one with clarity and care.
This guide explores frequent mistakes in obituary writing and offers practical tips to help you craft a thoughtful and error-free tribute.
1. Skipping Key Details
A common mistake is omitting essential information, such as the date of death, age, or details of the memorial service. These omissions can cause confusion and make it harder for people to honor or remember your loved one appropriately.
How to Avoid:
- Use a checklist to ensure all vital details are included:
- Full name (include maiden names or nicknames if applicable)
- Date and place of birth
- Date and place of death
- Family members (both surviving and predeceased)
- Service details (time, location, and format)
2. Overloading with Details
While it’s tempting to share every detail about your loved one’s life, too much information can overwhelm readers and dilute the message.
How to Avoid:
- Focus on the highlights that capture their personality and achievements.
- Keep anecdotes brief and meaningful.
Example: Instead of listing every school attended, summarize: “John cherished his years at XYZ University, where he developed his love for literature.”
3. Using Clichés or Generic Phrases
Phrases like “never met a stranger” or “gone too soon” are common but can feel impersonal. While they convey sentiment, they don’t capture what made your loved one unique.
How to Avoid:
- Include specific details or anecdotes that reflect their character.
Example: Instead of saying, “She loved her family,” write, “Susan’s happiest moments were Sunday dinners, where she made her famous apple pie for her grandchildren.”
4. Forgetting to Proofread
Typos, grammatical errors, or incorrect dates can diminish the obituary’s impact and cause misunderstandings.
How to Avoid:
- Ask a trusted friend or family member to review the obituary before submission.
- Double-check all names, dates, and locations for accuracy.
5. Leaving Out Important Names
Neglecting to mention certain family members or significant individuals can lead to hurt feelings or confusion.
How to Avoid:
- Include immediate family (spouse, children, parents) and mention predeceased loved ones.
- Acknowledge chosen family or close friends if they played a significant role.
Example: “He is survived by his lifelong best friend, Paul, who was like a brother to him.”
6. Ignoring Formatting Guidelines
Different newspapers and online platforms have specific guidelines for word count, photo size, and submission processes. Ignoring these can delay publication or increase costs.
How to Avoid:
- Research the publication’s guidelines beforehand.
- Keep the obituary concise if there are word limits, and use online platforms for extended versions.
7. Neglecting a Call to Action
An obituary is often used to invite others to memorial services or suggest ways to honor the deceased, such as donations or acts of kindness. Forgetting this can leave readers uncertain about how to pay their respects.
How to Avoid:
- Clearly state service details or memorial wishes.
Example: “In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the American Cancer Society in Jane’s memory.”
8. Focusing Only on Sadness
While grief is a natural part of writing an obituary, focusing solely on the loss can overshadow the joy and love the person brought to others.
How to Avoid:
- Balance acknowledgment of the loss with celebration of their life.
Example: “While we deeply mourn Robert’s passing, we celebrate the vibrant life he lived and the laughter he brought to everyone around him.”
9. Not Including a Photo
A photo adds a personal touch and helps readers connect with the obituary. Omitting one can make the tribute feel less complete.
How to Avoid:
- Choose a clear and recent photo that reflects your loved one’s personality.
- For longer obituaries, consider adding a second photo from a memorable time in their life.
10. Rushing the Process
Writing an obituary under pressure can lead to errors or missed details.
How to Avoid:
- Take your time to write, edit, and reflect.
- Involve family members to gather stories and review drafts.
Sample Obituary
“Elizabeth “Liz” Taylor, 68, of Bronx, NY, passed away peacefully on November 25, 2024, surrounded by her family. Born on June 15, 1956, in Brooklyn, Liz was a dedicated teacher who inspired countless students over her 40-year career. She was passionate about gardening, crossword puzzles, and spending time with her grandchildren. Liz is survived by her husband of 45 years, Thomas; her children, Sarah and Michael; and her four grandchildren. A memorial service will be held on December 2, 2024, at Grace Church in Manhattan. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the Alzheimer’s Association.”
Writing an obituary is a labor of love, and while mistakes can happen, they’re easily avoided with careful attention and planning. By focusing on what made your loved one unique, proofreading thoroughly, and including all the essential details, you’ll create a meaningful tribute that honors their life and legacy
